| We Reluctant Adults are just full of surprises this week and today is no different. Jeremy Lewis, the author of STAKED drops in to free up some of my time to get some actual writing done. Show him some big League love and I DO mean the kind with tongue kissing. Ready. Okay! Voyeuristic Eating -- the Vampire Way Mark was kind enough to ask me to stop by and blog here in the hallowed halls of the League of Reluctant Adults. He even gave me free rein to talk about whatever I wanted. MWAHAHAHAHA! This is, of course, why I chose porn. Okay. Okay. I won't blog about porn. (Though I do keep meaning to blog about the peculiarities of food porn as practiced by the vampires in my book.) You know, maybe I will blog about food porn. Imagine never being able to eat food again. Worse yet, imagine seeing some wonderful dessert and never being able to taste it. No more chocolate. No more strawberries. Not even a sip of rootbeer. And what about the stuff you had never tasted? What about daikon? It looks like a big white radish, but it doesn't taste like one. Its taste is unique. I'm not a small mammal, and I think it's clear to anyone who's met me that I enjoy food... Which may explain why I thought one of the most cruel drawbacks to being a vampire in my universe would be the complete inability to eat or drink anything other than blood. Now imagine that you became a vampire before your would-be favorite flavor of ice cream was ever invented... or in 1936, the year before Krispy Kreme donuts. The only way you'd have left to enjoy food -- both old favorites and intriguing new flavors -- would be vicariously. My vampires are obsessed with food, smelling it and voyeuristically watching others enjoying it, making their paramours and lackeys relish the tastes they no longer can and eat the foods they crave, forcing them to savor and describe culinary delights... and debacles.  Each vampire has his or her own particular favorite long lost dishes. For Eric, the male co-tagonist of Staked, it's pizza:"I considered buying a pizza parlor once, but I decided I would go crazy from the smell. I love pizza. If I smell pizza, I have to stop and take a good whiff; I have to look at it, see what kind it is, and watch a lucky bastard take a few bites. Chicago pizza, Italian pizza, brick-oven pizza, anchovies, pepperoni, olives, mushrooms, peppers, kiwi, it doesn't matter to me, so long as it's pizza. I think I miss pizza more than I miss the sun." Were I a vampire, I think I'd miss crab meat the most. In the back of my head, I always intended to include a vampire chocolatier, an immortal Willy Wonka of sorts, making chocolate confections as well as special new types of chocolate, then watching those that savor his confections with all of his or her supernaturally enhanced senses, questioning them endlessly to see if the effect was what he intended. Maybe in the next book. So all that talk about food leaves me with a question: What would you miss the most? Would it be a single food? A specific meal? A wine? A dessert? What would it be? ********* And now for some awesomeness. Jeremy is giving away a signed copy of STAKED to one lucky commenter. I know? It's almost too much to take, right? We've been giving shit away here all week. And it seems we still are. So...answer the man's questions for Christ sake and consider yourself entered. We'll draw tomorrow some time. Visit Jeremy at his blog and if you don't win make sure to pick up a copy of STAKED, wherever it is people buy books. **Edited for weird symbols--Why can't you people email me when that shit happens? My OCD kicked in like a mother** Labels: Guest Blogger |
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Ice Cream. No question. Though not necessarily one flavor. A few do rank at the top of the list. Mint Chocolate Chip, Peanut Butter Chocolate Swirl, and most of all Hagan Daz's Bailey's Irish Cream ice cream... best of two worlds. yum.
chocolate,homemade macaroni & cheese, blue cheese burgers..
Oh boy to take away food.. i think id rather be dead..so many favorits.. im an Iowa farm gal, so if you take away my beef id probably chew someones arm off for a good steak after a few days... now that said even my dear soldier of a hubby knows dont mess with my dark chocolate..lol..
thanks for coming and sharing.. i will have to be sure to watch for your book..
Oh, I could not imagine not being able to eat some of my favorites...I of course would miss chocolate...I do love chocolate. I think one thing that I would miss that I do not eat all that often is a Bob's Hot Dog...my family lives in a smallish town in Iowa and they have this little resturaunt that used to only be open in the summer as a drive up and they make the best hot dogs I have ever had. I know, I know...a pretty pathetic choice, but it is sadly true.
Thanks for guest blogging with us today and Staked looks really good!
So those weren't chocolate-covered cherries?! I think I'm gonna be sick. *stomping off*
Great points about what you'd miss if. I remember when I saw Int. with the Vamp with a buddy one day so long ago. When We wallked out of the theater it was still bright and sunny out. After being left in the dark for two hours we realized how much we missed the sun. Wild. There's a lot to be said about the gove and take of the afterlife.
This is hard, but probably those little dove chocolates that melt in your mouth. Yum. Oh! Or Phish Food icecream! :/ Pancakes!
I love food...
Whoops! What I'd miss the most? Sugary bowls of cereal. Especially from teh bottom of the box, where all of the sweetened debris gathers up so when you dump the last of it in your 2qt mixing bowl it recoats every liast piece. Then, once you've devoured the nuggets, your milk is slathered in sweetener and never tastier. Losing that would suck.
Not a topic to think too much about when the 11 am munchies are kicking in.
Hot wings.
The crunch of goldfish crackers.
hot, stringy pizza cheese.
my mom's mac & beef soup.
Yep, no bloodsucking afterlife for me. I couldn't take it. At least Wendy has her depends and bucket.
I would miss the chocolates my husband made. He's French, trained in Paris, and made the most incredible chocolates. Visually the chocolates were magnificent. And the taste... The chocolate outside was not too thick or too thin and snapped when you bit into it. After the snap and initial taste of chocolate came the incredible flavor of the filling, and then as you finish the bite more lush perfectly tempered chocolate. Very very delicious.
Being from Maryland, I have to say broiled crabcakes! ALso, Baskin Robbins mint chocolate chip ice cream, Utz chips and onion dip and, of course, chocolate. A life without chocolate would truly not be worth living.......
What I'd miss the most... Not being able to eat is a terrible thought. Today I'd miss raspberries the most, I've been doing recipe development this week for raspberry cakes...heaven.
And Staked looks excellent. Must add to the TBR.
~Jana
Okay, you guys are totally making me hungry now! :)
Sadieloree, I'm totally with you on the Peanut Butter Chocolate Swirl. I had to give up peanuts, tree nuts, and anything processed with nuts about three years ago when we found out that my boys are allergic to them.
My eldest son is off the chart, so I can't even eat nuts or nut products when I'm not around the boys. The last thing a Dad wants is to kiss his six year old on the forehead and send him into anaphylactic shock...
On the other hand, there are plenty of other types of ice cream... and of course there's also macaroni & cheese which is a food group in and of itself to my boys.
I think my food missing would change with the seasons and with my moods.
Strawberries, chocolate, artichokes, crunching through carrots and celery and bell peppers, MILK.. yum, love milk.
Oh My God. Jeremy, does the book go into what happens if the vampires break the rule and eat? Cuz I would totally test the waters. I did something similar with the zombies in my book, but they give in to their urges (splatter ensues).
Things I couldn't resist: Chinese food. Bar nachos. Rice Krispie Treats.
Oh dear God, don't make me a vampire.
Just last month I had to go 36 hours without eating for a medical procedure I was to have, and man was it ever tough! Aside from the severe hunger pains, I wanted to chew something. Gum helped. But I obsessed about food the entire time I was fasting. All I could think about was what I was going to eat the moment I was allowed eat something. Breakfast was at the forefront of my mind. A stack of pancakes or waffles. Yum. So maybe that's what I'd miss, though I don't eat pancakes that often. Hmm. Maybe potato chips. Yeah, the thick Kettle chips, plain. Life without potato chips wouldn't be worth living.
movie theater popcorn..... gatta love it.... but only in the states.... had some in Paris.... not pleasant.....
-KC
I'm sorry, Mark. I can't read your question. Lori typed "broiled crabcakes" and I drooled on the screen.
/cleans the monitor and glances around guiltily.
Okay, so what happens if they eat?
Well, their tastebuds only register blood, so the temptation to actually chew and swallow is greatly diminished, but if they go through with it... let's just say that it's the opposite direction of what happens to the zombies in Happy Hour of the Damned.
In short, Vomit City... and they have to feed again, so color it unpleasant, unsatisfying, and just plain wasteful, but on the brightside - no adult diapers required.
Mark.. your man after my own heart.. i just had chinese food yesterday at the chinese buffet in town... concidering i work in a school cafeteria during the school year, i would be in deep trouble if you took away food..
I would miss Fried Chicken the most. I love love love fried chicken.
What??? Food?? Where's the porn? I thought you were going to blog about porn?
*sigh* ok. Food.
OMG. It would have to be cheesecake. Any kind of cheesecake, it's all good but the best is turtle cheesecake. Mmmmmm.
I could not give that up...I would just have to suffer the consequences.
I am not a marsupial. I would be very sad if I could not have cheese anymore. In any form.
Ok, my mind went a totally different place when you said "food porn." But maybe that's just me.
Anyway, I couldn't give up coffee or chocolate. Or steak. Oooh artichokes dripping in lemon butter. Shit, now I'm hungry. Thanks, man.
Ooooh. I thought of some more stuff I couldn't live without.
Barbecue potato chips dipped into baked beans.
Pomegranate mojitos.
Bahn Mi.
This topic is killing me.
Hmmm.. well, Ben & Jerry's already got rid of Bovinity Divinity which had little chocolate cows in it, so I've already suffered the greatest food loss I know.
Sushi, though... it took me so long to like it in the first place, that I think now that I have a love for it beyond the beyond, I'd miss it most...
Oh, and I'd miss the taste of Mark. That doesn't come off gay, does it?
Well, I have been eating a lot of pineapple.
Sushi! I'm with you on the sushi. Hmmm. Combine that statement with "food porn" and see what kind of mental images are conjured. Who knew I'd grow to love the taste of eel?
Yeah. Moving on.
More foods that I'd miss:
Funnel cakes. Waffles. Lima beans... Okay. I'm weird. I like beans. Corn on the corn slathered in salted butter.
I would not miss brussel sprouts, though. Those you can keep.
Oh, and thanks a lot, Anton. Now I have to taste Mark.
Pineapple you say?
Cream cheese!
Especially hot cream cheese, like in crab rangoons.
Mmmmmmm.
I think I might die without cream cheese (does this make me weird?).
Actually, the food porn/vicarious eating aspect was something I found to be really well thought out from Staked. (Read it, loved it, wanting more of it...)
I totally could NOT live without Fettucini Alfredo and breadsticks. Or cream cheese wontons from Pickup Stix- I need a support group for that addiction. And Dr. Pepper. And beef.
I'm in complete agreement about the brussels sprouts, btw. They are vile!
Live forever. Never eat chocolate again. Christ. Just stake me already.
Great blog! Can't wait to check out your book!
chocolate, homemade lasagna, lemon meringue pie, chocolate, sushi, chinese food, red wine...
did I mention chocolate. ;-)
What food... omg, should I start listing?
First of all: beef. My grandpa had a beef farm and Bessy tastes good! Especially the tongue.
Anything related to Thanksgiving... MASHED POTATOES, lima beans, cranberry jelly from the can, turkey, gravy, corn, green beans...
OMG- NO PUMPKIN PIE?!?!
Nope. I'd stake myself. Or act like I was going on a rampage so someone would stake me. I'm not the suicide type.
Crap... no chocolate covered strawberries?
Goodbye to Lucky Charms and Kix?
Forever forbid from chocolate peanut buttery goodness?
No ICE CREAM?!?! (Can you tell Sadieloree is my sister?)
I love food. I love to cook and experiment on new differnt things... I couldn't imagine not getting to lick off the spoon or sneaking some cookie dough. Ugh. Sounds like a depressing book. ;P
These issues are too complex. I'm making my vampires about to enjoy the taste of food, dammit!
fancy butter mints. The big fat ones you get at weddings, graduations... in their pretty little decorative packages, scattered like confetti across the tableclothe or tucked into little filigree baskets and given away as shower gifts. If I were a vampire I would keep stash of them zipper-sealed in a bag in my coffin, so I could bury my face in them and get a good heady whiff of mint. What a wonderful way to wake up in the evening.
I would probably require my victims/blood donars to eat a handful or two before feeding me. I'm not entirely sure if it's possible to influence the flavor of blood as one can do with milk, but for just a hint of my buttery minty goodness, I'd make them LIVE on it.
the mention of cream cheese and beef tongue did wonders to put me off my appetite...otherwise i'd likely be gnawing on the monitor by now.
(But yet, I took Mark's pineapple comment in stride...)
You're made of stern stuff there, Todd. Or sick stuff, I should say.
First and foremost, I would miss chocolate. Love the stuff. Especially chocolate chip cookies.
I'd also miss garlic toast, grilled cheese sandwiches and Honey BBQ Fritos.
Thank you for allowing a chance to win this book!
Dae,
Even if they COULD taste, I think the garlic toast would still be out of the running...
I'm with Sadie. Ice cream, no doubt. Haagan Dazs' Vanilla Chip is absolutely delicious.
The thing I would miss most would be watermelon, I love it! My drink would be coffee.
OMG! I think I'd try to find the stake and the mallet and just get it over with myself.
Coffee, red wine, chocolate in any form, pasta...oh screw it (insert food product here)
I would make a sad, wangsty vampire without food or drink.
Ah Lisa... I'll stake you if you stake me at the same time...
Todd- you don't know what you're missing with cow's tongue. It's pure muscle, no fat, and used quite a bit so it's lean and tender and it tastes like beef!!
AND the best part is that you get to boil it and peel off the skin. It's awesome! Then you have this shell of a tongue. (Mark- I think I just realized why I can handle your books...)
I'd miss sour candy! When I had braces I had to stop eating them, because they might get stuck in the braces and it would be hard to get them off. It sucked not having any sour candy. I lost weight, which was good, but at the same time no more sour candy. It made me very sad.
Thankfully I don't have braces anymore! So I can still have my sour candy ^_~
did i hear mention of cows tonque??? ooh we have one in the freezer as we speak.. i was taught to boil and skin it.. grind it up and make like tuna salad out of it.. yummy sandwiches...
I know this sounds very redneckish but I would miss cornbread and pinto beans or mashed potatos and gravey more than anything else. So sad.
Debby
Jacket potatoes with lashings of butter, sour cream, bacon and grated cheese.
Roast chicken, with the skin all golden and crispy.
Ooh and roast pork with lovely salty, crunchy crackling.
Mmmm chocolate.
Ice cream sundaes dripping with hot chocolate sauce.
Piping hot tuna casserole topped with potato chips.
Warm chocolate pecan pie with double cream.
Stop! This is torture! Okay, you’ve convinced me life as a vampire is not for me.
soy mochas.. I would die without my coffee as well. OH and nachos.
"jacket Potato"? is that like a baked potato?
You know those big bags of chips/crisps? I'm weaning myself off an addiction to them. I was buying and eating at least two of them a week. I'm now being good by replacing them with something healthier to binge-eat: cereal. This week, it's Sultana Bran.
But I really miss chips :-(
Have a lovely day! :-)
Hey Nascar! I was thinking the same thing. "Jacket Potatos?"
Must be potato skins.
Night Critter?
Tez, If you can make the switch from potato chips to bran flakes, I think you definitely have the will power to handle a vampire's dietary issues.
Heh. All the talk of vampire suicide pacts makes for some interesting story fodder. Hmmm...
For Want of Chocolate - the sad tale of one hungry vampire... to be followed up by We All Scream for Ice Cream - Maggie thought she was lactose intolerant before the change, but as a vampire things were downright ridiculous.
Well done Pan Pepperoni pizza the most. Then banana ice cream. I don't know how long I'd last if food was taken away from me. :D
Hugs, Danette
nascarandbeans- we just boiled, skinned then sliced it onto sandwhiches, hot or cold. (Cow's tongue, that is.) It's fabulous with mayo, lettuce, and salt and pepper. A little cheese if you are feeling daring. ;) Dang. Now I really want one.
Jeremy- can your vamps suck cow's blood? I might be able to live with that... it's still beef, right?
But I want to read the Chocolate story. :) That sounds awesome!
I love the part of STAKED where Tabitha rants about being on the "ultimate liquid diet"... that's exactly how I'd feel. Forget immortality- give me FOOD!
As for what I'd miss the most, well, I was given some pretty fabulous sourdough starter about a month ago, along with a recipe for sourdough cinnamon rolls... and they are to die for. Hot out of the oven, all slightly crisp around the edges, with soft middles and perfectly cinnamon-y swirls, absolutely covered in homemade drizzly frosting made with real cream... sigh. If I were a vampire, I'd have had to make everyone I know eat one, just so I could watch! Heck, I'd have been grabbing people off the street... hey! eat this! What do you think?
Tough question. I would have to say either chocolate or fried chicken with gravy....
But technically you're supposed to give those kind of foods up with dieting too ;)
Melissa
Most vampires can subsist on animal blood, but Eric, my male co-tagonist, can't. He has to do everything the hard way. Besides, if I went too easy on him, he wouldn't be anywhere near as fun to write.
:)
OMG- you authors... constantly tomenting and torturing your beloved characters... and loving it.
Oh wait... I wanna be a writer to. *goes to pantry... pulls out canned brussel sprouts* Will this work? ;)
Missy-- Now you've got me digging in the deep freeze for cow tongue. I'll let you know if I find one! Yummo!!!
Jill-- Cream cheese!! I didn't even think of it!! Mmmmmm...
Jacket potatoes is what my family calls young, new potatoes cooked with their skin still on them.
We usually give them a quick wash to get rid of any dirt, stab them with a fork and and cook them in the microwave.
Okay, so I listen to nerdy americana-type radio shows which brings to mind...What would a Norwegian bachelor farmer vampire hate to give up? Lutefisk! Seriously, just thinking about eternal life without fried foods, well now, that just wouldn't be living now would it?
MEAT. I am a carnivore (well omnivore with carnivore tendancies). Don't get me wrong, I love veggies but I NEED meat!
Personally my biggest food item that I would miss would be ice cream. But I think anytime you smelled a food you once enjoyed (and lets it face it that that will happen a lot with an enhanced sense of smell) the craving and longing will hit you.
Vampires and food fetish? Must. Have. Book. (click, click, come to me, my pretty)
I would most miss good bread, which is the one thing I never get tired of.
Hey Jeremy! Great to see you over here ;)
I already know what it is like to miss certain foods. Living in Austria but being British I long for chips from the chip shop, my nan's Sunday lunch and other various biscuits, snacks and chocolates.
I have learned to live with it but when I do get to go to the UK I end up eating way too much!
So that is what I would miss the most. Eating what I already miss for 51 weeks in the year.
Oh and I really hope I win this book...I gave my copy away when I interviewed you ;)
Huzzah! Tis the mighty Amberkatze!
Hi, Amber!
Let's see. So far it looks like chocolate and ice cream and/or variations thereof are in the lead.
Oh, and may I say that I'm totally frightened by the beef tongue references some of you folks have been tossing about? Now I'll have to try some at some point just so I can give an informed blech or not blech opinion.
jeremy - well, beef tongue is very good IMHO. There are others (aka my father) who do not like it, but enjoy cow heart very much. Now THAT I give a blech rating!
I love to eat....pizza would be hard to give up..chocolate, crab, popcorn, fresh baked crusty bread, and all my favorite savories. I love olives, sharp cheeses, a dry red wine, pickled asparagus, homegrown tomatoes, fresh basil.... Did I mention pizza...thin,greasy,New York style pizza, Chicago style hot dogs, brats with sauerkraut....fresh peach cobbler, the list never ends. If I were a vampire, food porn would drive me insane.
The only tongue I want involved in a meal is my own.
cow heart is good too when prepared right.. we always cleaned it good, baked it with bbq sauce over it.. now my inlaws they bake it but stuffed like a turkey..the only part i refuse to eat is the brain.. major sqweemish factor there for me..
nascar- yeah, luckily for my sister and I, brains was never on the table at mealtime. Eek.
todd- chicken. bawk bawk bawk :p
Now, chicken...there's something I'd eat.
I don't get why my dad doesn't like cow tongue. It takes just like roast BUT it's more tender and less greasy. I love it.
Sissy- when you find it, let me know! I'll come over for dinner!
Jeremy- be brave, go to the butcher and get one. They are delish!!
Todd- when I see you next, I'm bringing some with me and forcing you to try it. I promise it's safe! You just have to kill the cow first!
So... I finished the first draft of the For Want of Chocolate short story that was inspired by all the cool comments everyone was making.
It came in at around 2750 words, IIRC.
You guys rock!