| I have absolutely nothing funny to say. Which is really sad, considering I'm elbow-deep (er, no, more like knee-deep, inching up to thigh-deep) in my current WIP: the fourth Hell book. And while I'm not a laugh-out-loud sort of novelist, I'd like to think there's humor peppered in there, among all the demons and horror and death and stuff like that there. Actually, I'm feeling a wee bit panicky. This happens, sometimes, when I'm writing. There's various kinds of panic: (A) The ZOMG THE DEADLINE APPROACHES panic, when I'm terrified that I'll never get the book written in time. (B) The ZOMG THIS BOOK SUCKS panic, which I think is self-explanatory. (C) The LET'S TURN JACKIE'S HAIR WHITE panic, which is a lovely dose of A and B, above. Today's a C day. So cheer me up, Avid Fans. Know any good jokes? |
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A divorcing couple appeared in court after the wife assaulted her estranged husband and put him in the hospital.
Judge - "Ma'am, why did you attack your husbad?"
Wife - "He's a leach! He's taken everything I ever loved and when I got home the other day he was emptying the cupboards of food so I threw a can of peaches at him."
Judge - "While this court understands your plight I cannot allow an assault to go unpunished. How many peaches come in a can?"
Wife - "Typically three."
Judge - "Fine. Then you shall spend three days in jail for the assault. Sir, do you have anything to add?"
Husband - "Yes, your honor - she also threw a can of peas at me."
> Good for a chuckle.................
>A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the
>Priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favor?'
>'Of course. What may I do for you?'?
>'Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my
>mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits,
>and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry
>it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps.
>'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.'
>'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'
>When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.
>The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare??
>'From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.'
>The official thought this answer strange, so asked, 'And what do you
>have to declare from your waist to the floor?'
>'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but
>which is, to date, unused.'
>Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father.' Next!
That was well worth the chuckle. :)
How many novelists does it take to change a lightbulb?
a. Romance novelist: 2. And the bulb glowed happily ever after.
b. SF novelist: none. Lightbulbs are no longer necessary in the future.
c. Urban fantasy novelist: 3, forming a triad of power to overcome the burned out bulb. (Optional: 4th will perform rite to make certain bulb is dead and stays dead.)
d. Literary novelist: none. The bulb learns to accept its inert, burned out state as a metaphor for the human condition and ceases to struggle against the darkness.
e. Horror novelist: 1 goes into the room alone with the new bulb, and then he/she is never seen or heard from again.
Yes, I am procrastinating on my revisions! *goes back to work and stops making up writer lightbulb jokes*
LMAO