 Burst transmission, all channels, New York City. 9:12 a.m. EST. Ok, WTF people?! I know it's a half day Friday here, but could you fucking pedestrians show a little less sluggishness in the streets and get out of my way? Hold the phone... *pulls out the League Emergency Preparedness Guide* Fuck... we got zombies. This is not a drill, League! Sure, that was e-coli on those tomatoes.... idiots! *checks the LEPG again* "I need to talk to Supply about labeling the flamethrowers properly. They really should come with a large sticker on them that says: WARNING! USE ON ZOMBIES ONLY PRODUCES FLAMING ZOMBIES! Everyone to the League Safehouse NOW! *puts on t-shirt with the image above on it* BLITEOTWD  |
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Anton, honey, like I mentioned at Jaye's blog...there are no such things as zombies. Seriously. Yeah, I know, you busted out the Guide. But I thought the Guide was all to keep Mark happy.
Hang on, I'll keep mocking you in a moment...there's some sort of commotion outside...
Some jerk just ate my cat! (thankfully I have four more to throw if things get sticky)
Katy (currently headed for the nearest defensible air force base)
Jackie,
Look, I know yer new to the League and all, but please tell me you at least GLANCED at the League Preparedness Guide!
and for god's sake, DON'T OPEN YOUR DOOR until I get there and talk to you with something more than a moan!
Well crap, that explains why my property manager is stumbling around in my parking lot.
Stupid zombies.
You know what, Leaguers? YOU can explain to my toddler why Mum isn't taking her for her morning walk. Good luck with that.
Just run them over, that's what I do. Although it's a huge pain to get the guts and brains off my windshield later on.
I should come up with something that makes getting that bloody stuff out easier - just think how much that'd be worth!
I want that t-shirt!
Angelina,
Ahh, children! Just remember... not only are they our future, but they're good a good baitly distraction when you need to flee.
Keep in mind that at any second you may have to waste her! This is not a time for sentimentality. It's a time for survival!
ZOMGWTFBBQ, THERE ARE ZOMBIES EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(This sort of thing doesn't happen to literary fiction authors, does it???)
Jackie, I think they just get plagued by shambling Mr. Darcys.
Geez, why couldn't we have a host of shamblings Mr Darcys'! I prefer him to Zombies any day of the week! :)
Yeah, I'm new over here (followed Anton's urgent message from Facebook), but I want the Mr. Darcys.
Hang on, something just pummeled through my door...
Am huddled in a Starbucks.
One thing I'll say about Zombie Apocalypse vs. Nuclear Apocalypse: access to Wifi.
However, not a drop of coffee to be found. The SAVAGES! How am I supposed to face Zombpocalypse without being thoroughly caffeinated? Not to mention, what the hell does caffeine do to Zombies?
These are questions to ponder after. Helicopter in the distance. Will try to make it to the roof without being detected.
OMG....the screams, the screams. Anton, while I am trying to head your advice about children being good bait...I am torn by mother's instinct to rush out and save my son!
I hope I make it back........
Dude, the zombies ate my annoying neighbor. And his little dog, too.
Jaye, haven't you read Mark's book? Starbucks STARTED the Zombie Apocalypse. You might want to hole up somewhere else...
My neighbors are older and sort of shambling to begin with, but just to make sure, I put a couple of homemade claymores facing that direction.
Hopefully they don't come over to borrow the lawnmower or anything.
Jackie, I thought that was the last attempted Zombpocalypse. I thought this one had to do with tomatoes.
Anyhoo, I'm totally fucked. The building is completely surrounded, and I'm stuck on the roof. The helicopter landed on the next building over and was taken over. So now the zombies are airborn! Thank goodness I stashed Mr. Jaye and Spawn in a safe place. Not sure how I'm getting out of this one.
Anton, Lori has very sweetly reminded me that I should apologize for doubting your sanity.
Which I would happily do, except I'm too busy trying to find my Guide and figure out how the hell to get away from all the freaking zombies...
*BLAM BLAM BLAM*
What's that Jackie?
*BLAM BLAM BLAM*
Hold tight... I'm coming...
*pushes fat guy into a crowd of zombies and makes a break for your place*
Zombies scare the ever loving crap out of me. If there was a zombie attack, I would be zombie food for sure.
You people can't fuckin' call a guy, let him know what's spreading across the country?
Jesus. I'm huddled up in the library. There's other people here but I'm going to ditch 'em. They'll just slow me down.
I'll try to get to the "safe house."
mdhenry.livejournal.com
You're line is fucking BUSY, Mark! I think everyone's trying to call everybody.. jesus!
Communication is like the first thing to break down...
Listen, just follow the EXACT directions in the League Emergency Preparedness Guide and you'll be fine.. no worries!
you think you got troubles? My cats both ate tomatos all week. Now I am locked in the bathroom with a house full of zombie cats and a builing full of zombies..I am huddled in the bathroom with a cricket bat.
It's okay, Katie(babs) stay with me, I have nooo problem blowing some zombie's brains out..annoying little buggers.
I need more coffee for this crap.
Synde - Zombie CATS? They'll be clawing through the door! Reinforce! Open the window, spray perfume, get rid of your scent!
Anton - I left the GD guide in my house!
Jaye - Your damn right they're savages. They eat while standing up...like cows, and not a one has any sort of relationship with a napkin.
HEY, I just found out that there's some stuff the zombies just can't choke down!!!
http://www.jackiekessler.com/blog/2008/06/13/its-friday-the-13th/
Anton -- Anton, where are you???
Jackie...
I'm fine.. I just have a scratch from one of these bastards..
*BLAM BLAM BLAM*
I'm fine.. I'm almost there.. I feel a little woozy, but I'll be outside your door in like a minute...
Crap... the zombies haven't made it to Denver-- must be the altitude...and I have an annoying neighbor with an obnoxious dog I'd gladly sacrifice.
Jeanne
Wow... you all should move to Ohio. There are alot less zombies here. But that's what happens when you're in a recession. *shrug*
But where is this League safehouse? Montana? Or Iowa? Or North Dakota? I don't think anyone lives in those places...
Synde and her zombie cats! Oh noes!
Not Montana--they're here too. And the mountain-fresh air is not making them smell any better.
{just wedged my old Apple monitor up against the door. The thing is freaking huge--that should hold for a minnit or two}
SHIRT STEALER