| So I've started a new project. Actually, I've started two new projects. And I'm scared. What if these projects fail to come off properly? What if the last project is the last good thing I'll ever write? (What if it isn't that good, and I'm fooling myself into thinking I'm any good at all?) What if I'm one of those writers who is only capable of doing one thing, and then it all dries up and I'm never able to produce anything of interest ever again? (I do realize that last one seems a bit far-fetched, as I have written several books. But if you take the "My favorite book is the one I'm working on/just finished" principle seriously, as I do, then all those previous books weren't important.) And starting is so hard. I hate starting. My favorite part of writing is about Chapter Three-Twelve or so, with sparks of joy smattered throughout the rest. In the beginning it all feels clunky and hard. The book doesn't really know yet what it's going to be, and neither do I. Maybe the characters are being amusing when the book is supposed to be serious. Or perhaps it's the opposite. Maybe I've stuck everyone in a situation that I have no idea how they're going to get out of and I start thinking they never will get out of it and I should just start over. Or that this situation really does nothing for the rest of the book, so why am I continuing with it? Whatever it is, the entire thing feels like a dull waste of time for the first chapter or so. It isn't until I hit 5k words (or that area) that it takes shape and becomes exciting to me. Until then I'm racked with fear. Fear that it never will take shape, fear that it's all a bunch of crap, fear that I stink and the Dumb Luck Writing Fairy will never return to my humble mind. (This lasts, of course, until I hit about Chapter Three--sometimes Two--and decide this book is The One[!!!!] and my life will never be happy until I've finished it.) That's a good place to be. But it's so scary to get there. Like travelling through a creepy dark forest (see how bad my similes are? I will never write anything decent ever again.) What scares you about writing? How do you feel when you start a new project? |
Blog Archives
Latest Entries
Coming Soon
Mostly I'm afraid that I'll have spent six months working n something that will disappear into a black hole.
Thanks for posting about fear. I'm currently experiencing fear of editing.
New projects excite me, I get to play in a new world and discover new characters.
My fear and doubts creep in when the "new" project becomes "old," After the shiny has worn off.
I am actually scared during the middle of writting then at the beginning. I love coming up with the story idea, characters and world building (even though I bitch about all the work) but 200 pages in and I am scared I have taken a wrong turn, what if the pages just stop, or worse what if this is it and it is total crap. Will this one sale? Oh god does anyone like my heroine? I know the hero is alpha to the core but is he suppose to scare the crap out of the heroine. Nop well shit.
(Yeah the middle and ending are always hard and don't even get me started on revisions!)
I love starting something new. It's the inability to revise to professional standards that scares me silly.
Beginnings are tough for me too. I kind of circle the idea, just dipping my toes in--afraid to commit. Then once I find the right place to start I jump in and go for it.
I never have to be afraid at the beginning because I always seem to start in the middle and keep adding stuff before until I have a decent start.
But I'm betarded.
Oh, yes, Sam, that's a big huge part of it. Is it even worth it, getting all involved in something only to see it fail?
Oh, I do know that feeling, Cheryl. That's why my happy loveness only lasts until about Chapter Twelve. The next bit is okay and by the end I'm convinced I'm just slogging away at crap.
Oh yes, Sarai, I know about that "Did I take a wrong turn" fear well. The story may have flowed out, but could I have made a different choice? Did I put something in that was cool but wrong?
Well, yeah, tm, that's a concern too. I can get it out, but what if I can't make it good?
Lol Jaye, I do that too. I'll write a few opening scenes before I find the one that works.
See, I wish I could do it that way, Mark. I've actually thought about trying it. But I think I'm too lazy to do all that reverse thinking.
I'm usually good for the first draft, although by the time I've finished the book, I'm already on draft 2 or 3 for the earlier chapters. I know, weird, but I edit as I go, it's just the way I am.
Problem is, that means the last third of the book is still fresh and exciting to me, but those first chapters, which I have read and reread and pruned and trimmed and polished, feel soooo stale. All those scenes I loved as I was writing them are like flat cola, bluh. It's at that point that I just shudder and cringe, tell myself I'm a hack, and wonder how my editor could possibly be so enthused about it.
Then you do edits for the publisher and by then, OMG, even the climax is as limp as an overboiled weiner.
I get scared every time I end a chapter and then go back and read it. I am worried it's not good enough or too typical. I am also worried I am going to rewrite it to death.
synde
I do the same thing, Kirsten, and yeah, by the time the book is done I'm totally sick of the beginning and don't even want to look at it.
*nods* Same here, psynde. I'm afraid to edit too much or too little or whatever, I'm afraid it all sucks. I mean, people whose work is terrible don't know it's terrible, right?
Stacia: Actually, I'm pretty sure mine is terrible.
Nonsense.