| (Note: When I wrote this out it was a cool little chart, but for some reason it didn't post that way, and now I've spent like an hour and a half on it so you will read it, dammit.) Here's how to tell: If you're walking down the street A. Is it moaning and stumbling, with its arms held out and its head at a strange angle? Yes. Keep reading, it may be a zombie! No. Is it wearing a leotard? Yes/No Is it wearing black-and-white makeup? Yes It is a mime. Run! No Probably not a zombie B. Are its clothes dirty and tattered? Yes Does it have a heavy beard? Yes Probably not a zombie No Is it a drunk? No Is it a man? Yes Could be a zombie Is she missing a shoe? Yes Probably a zombie No Is she hot? Yes Dude, go for it No Call her a cab C. Did it attempt to eat your brains? Yes Run, it's a zombie! No Probably not a zombie At the office: A. Is it wearing the same outfit it's been wearing for days? Yes Keep reading; it could still be a zombie! Is it the office slut? Yes Do its lovers still come to work the next day? Yes Just a slut No May be a zombie Is it the office slob? Yes Just a slob No May be a zombie B. Does it smell of blood and death? Yes Is it your boss? Yes Bosses always smell like that, but proceed with caution No May be a zombie No Probably a zombie C. What is it eating? Brains It is a zombie Donuts It is just a co-worker. Who steals donuts. |
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I tried this helpful test on the neighbor kid who's an autistic skateboarding savant. Turned out he wasn't, as I suspected, a zombie.
Too bad, I'd already shot him, and garbage day's not until next Monday.
Wa-wa-wa-waaaaaaaa.
It's a zombie! Yaaaay.
Funny, I don't really check too close once I start shooting. It's just easier that way...
LOL I love silly!!
I really am so disappointed this didn't work, though. It was a chart with lines connecting everything, it took me freaking ages to do. Bah!
*Still grumpy about it the next morning!*
Formatting or no, that was still pretty funny.
Can you do the chart as an image and post it like a photo?
BTW, I sometimes have trouble distinguishing between zombies and writers who just had a deadline. Is there a difference?
Thanks, Jaye!
I thought about that, TM, but decided it was too much of a pain to draw it all out legibly, then take a photo, and hope it's big enough, and it was late and I'm a dunce at that stuff.
And, no.
I'm going to the mall later. I'll try to spot some using your great guidelines in their natural habitat.
Stacey - Make sure to pack some heat, malls can get hairy.
Very informative. :)
These guidelines are just what we need! After I reload, I'll have no problems AND save on ammunition! You're a life saver, thanks!!!