 Since my novel has been pushed so far out (Spring 2009, baybee) it feels weird for me to offer writing advice. After all, it won't be two or six months before my book comes out...it will be EIGHTEEN. How will you possibly know if I'm full of bollocks until then? So, I thought I'd share what I poached from the late, great Barbara Cartland. Yes, Barbara Cartland. She who lived like a gaudy princess of old and wrote nine bajillion of these little babies like in the picture (and say what you will about those old regency romances, but I friggin love those! No Barbara hate in the comments!). Barbara said that the best way to write a quick read was to remember that the reader gets bored with long paragraphs. The eye slows down and wanders over very thick passages. To keep the action quick and the pace lively, make your paragraphs short. I totally live by this. Here's an example of how breaking up your text makes a difference. I'll even quote my upcoming Sex Starved novel (lawd, aren't I shameless) as an example: "Good morning. I'm Jackie Brighton, the tour docent. Are you read-" I had to break off because the man was staring at me with the most unnerving look on his face. "Hi," he whispered after a rather long moment. "Um, hi." There was always one weirdo, I thought with irritation, and tried again. "I'll be the docent for your trip through our museum. Think you could gather your students around and we could get started, Mister..." I waited patiently for a name. He put his left hand in his pocket as I spoke, and when it emerged, it was ringless, with a nice white tan line where a wedding band should go. Real cute. I like to think that it moves fairly fast. There's no place for the eyeball to really sit for a spell and rest and relax. The story is zooming past it. Now, you could clump all the punchy statements into the same paragraph, but you're still going to have some breaks in there, because there's dialogue - back and forth interaction - between characters. DIALOGUE IS CRUCIAL. Trust me, I've written the hundred page self-exploratory trek through the woods where the character talks to no one but herself (the reader isn't fooled, btw; this still isn't dialogue). This is boring as hell to the reader. Trust me. There has got to be interaction, and in my (big fat) opinion, conversationally so. Ever seen a book where one character just busts out into a litany of conversation and everyone around him sits and nods? Does this happen all the time in real life? Are you chatting with your girlfriends and suddenly you launch into a twenty minute conversation (not spiel) about the history of the city you live in? No? So why do your characters do it? Short and punchy, my friends. And conversational. It's the only way to keep us easily distracted people hooked. And mind you, this little trick won't work for everyone - heck, it may not suit you at all - but I live by it. CARTLAND FTW! |
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Ever seen a book where one character just busts out into a litany of conversation and everyone around him sits and nods?
I've known people who do that. Or rather, I've known people who launch into the hour-long "conversation" where it's really just them talking and them expecting you to sit and nod like a "good friend".
Yup, don't like it much in real life either. ;)
Good advice! I will now do two things: 1. go over my stories and see what needs fixed and 2. find some of Barbara books, though with the collection of ancient romance novels from my mom, it's possible I already have some. :)
Vern - I've known that person too and I avoid them like the PLAGUE. They don't want a conversation, they want an audience. *g*
Melissa - The Cartland books are quick, fast reads but they hold up remarkably well over time. I found them a much easier read than the Georgette Heyer novels that are espoused.
And she wrote a literal bajillion of them. I read somewhere that she could write 23 novels a year. Granted, they were short novels, but even if they're only half the length of regular novels...she still wrote 11.5 'regular' novels a year. Craaaazeeee.
I love the short sentences, paragraphs and easy reads. Kind of like reading one of the endless Doc Savage or Louis L'amore stories. :)
I hate the nodding conversations, though I'm pretty sure I'm guilty of doing it at least a few times.
Oh, man, I'm the worst at long paragraphs. I just spent a huge chunk of yesterday breaking up ... uh, chunks.
As a total aside, I remember sneaking out into the living room after bedtime, braving the wrath of my parents, to watch A Hazard of Hearts on TV. I was so excited because it was Barbara Cartland!
It was bad! bad bad BAD!
Dearest Jill
I'm writing to you from my lavishly appointed boudoir. Well, I'm not writing, that'd be silly. I'm dictating this memo to my servant, Grizelda (I think that's her name, I can't be bothered to ask, not when ShuShu needs her brushing, don't you ShuShu?).
You're a darling to spread the good word of Cartland. Short paragraphs are always appropriate and enjoyable. I have sincere concerns about writers who insist on boring us with long droning descriptive passages. What is their intent? Upon reading one I drift right off to sleep on my gracious mound of down pillows.
Thank You,
signed
Barbara Cartland (as interpreted through Mark Henry)
Mark- why do I picture you wearing the silk robes with a fluffy teacup poodle on your lap, too much make-up and hair up in curlers?
Or are my binoculars just fuzzy?
And 11.5 novels per year... um, I think one is more than enough for my little brain at the moment. Eesh...
Missy. You pictures those things, because I'm an artiste!
Ooo.
I'm off to have my curlers removed. Friday evenings require the most extravagant of coiffures.
And the world makes sense again... can you come do mine for Halloween? I need it to be curly. Thanks!
Your book got pushed back? I didnt know that...did they say why?
--Jenny
Mark - You iz a crazy mofo. ;) Only you would impersonate Cartland. ;)
Jenny - It's not that it got pushed back as it got 'finally scheduled'. Unfortunately, the schedule was full up until now. :) That's the way things go, I suppose. :)
"...one character just busts out into a litany of conversation and everyone around him sits and nods? Does this happen all the time in real life?"
Um, true confession: This happens to me all the time, when mouth runs away without brain and people just get that glazed-over look, say Mmm-hmm and nod a lot (before slinking away sideways to hide behind the next conversational target/victim.